It’s only patriotic until somebody starts a riot

flag terrorists
Apparently, organisers have received intelligence of suicide flaggers targeting this year’s Big Day Out and in the interests of public safety have asked people to leave their flags at home. If the spirit of rock and roll is not completely dead amongst the youth of this country, this should result in every single attendee turning up looking like Bruce Ruxton at a dress-up-like-the-flag-or-you’re-a-poofter themed barbie on Anzac day all the way down to their packets of vegemite flavoured condoms.

Put down your… er… and step away from the bible…

bible burning

…well that’s what happens when you piss on the bible and set it on fire, my angry young friend. That’s divine retribution, that is.

I don’t know what they’re teaching in schools these days. The first thing they taught us in Outdoor Ed in my day was to avoid urinating on your sacred text at all costs or you’d be rubbing two sticks together all night trying to get the bloody campfire started. Good on them for getting it going, I say.

I blame all this postmodernism myself. Taking a wee on the novel of your choice and setting it on fire is entirely consistent with modern literary theory and the kiddies were probably just finishing off their English homework.

Last time I played Trivial Pursuit, the Bible was the most-published book in the world, so in the grand scheme of things there are plently left that aren’t at all soggy. Honestly, if taking a slash on the Good Book was the vilest act perpetrated during an entire school camping trip, those kids should be bloody ashamed of themselves. Taking away their library cards might not be a bad idea, but expelling the incontinent little tykes seems a bit Biblical in the punishment stakes.