The turkey flip

The Hobart Mercury 19/12/09

We’ve all heard about the monster turkeys being served up for Christmas in Tasmania this year, but spare a thought for the premier. The poor bastard’s got a whole freezer full that he needs us to choke down and hope the food poisoning doesn’t kick in before next March.

Perhaps the Miracle Of Christmas will kick in and everything will be fine, but Santa knows whether you’ve been good or bad no matter how much you pay your public relations department, so if I were you I’d be politely declining a slice of David’s Turkey this festive season.


The Hobart Mercury 26/9/09

The Hobart Mercury 26/9/09

Every political party has their unpalatable extreme.

For the Greens it’s compulsory vegetarianism for all citizens with tree-hugging re-education camps for recidivists, for the Libs it’s the idea that rendering down the unemployed for soap makes good economic sense, for the Nats it’s Wilson Tuckey, the Democrats democratted themselves out of existence and for Family First, well, where to start?

The Achilles Heel of the ALP is mates and in Tasmania it’s reached pandemic status. Their only hope is that they manage to suck up to so many mates by March that their mates form a majority of voters, but that’s only if these mini-mates fail to notice that there’s an elite club of Special Mates and they haven’t been shown the secret handshake (it involves unzipping your fly).

Now the spin don’t work, it just makes things worse…

The Hobart Mercury, 18/9/09

The Hobart Mercury, 18/9/09

…and after the election, we most likely won’t see your face again.

Okay, we all know the Tasmanian ALP and Libs are minor subsidiaries of Gunns Ltd, but if they’re going to be so embarrassingly obvious about it, could they at least save us the weasel words and make it official policy?

As Howard discovered in 2007, eventually the spin stops working. Announcing another bike track really isn’t going to help.

The Bartlett Triangle

First published in The Hobart Mercury 18/8/09

First published in The Hobart Mercury 18/8/09

There’s nothing a politician loves more than a good metaphor, and just a hint chaps, there’s nothing a political cartoonist loves more either, so thanks for that, and keep up the good work.

Tasmanian Premier David Bartlett’s early metaphorical outing involved drawing various lines in the sand between himself and some rather troubling legacies from the previous incumbent. This seems particularly appropriate in Mr Bartlett’s case as lines in the sand are somewhat prone to being scuffed out, washed away or simply stepped over like they were never there.

A recent foray to the sandpit has been required on the issue of the likelihood of a hung parliament. The standard line on minority government in Tasmania tends to be a scare campaign on the grounds of instability. Sadly, the current majority government has displayed all the stability of a One Legged Alcoholics Bouncy Castle Convention at three in the morning, so this argument has been somewhat undermined.

This has led to David making three unequivocal mutually contradictory statements on the matter leading to the creation of the Bartlett Triangle. Lucky he stopped at three, I hate to think what a pentagram might have summoned.