IFOWONRO (officially)

The Australian, 8 September 2010

When it comes down to it, ten billion quid to build the sheep a few Covered Outdoor Learning Areas out beyond the black stump wasn’t a bad price for (up to) three years of stable government (terms and conditions apply – fine print TBA). A great deal is going to be said about how it’s all going to work out, most of it contradictory, so my advice is to ignore all of it except the cartoons, because today heralds a new Golden Age of Cartooning for this country where playing it for laughs will see you safely through to the next election.

The hayride to hell

The Australian, 7 September 2010

Look fellas, cobbers, mates, we know that it is in fact Bush Week and will remain so for the discernible future, but get a bloody move on. Yes, both options are rubbish, but if you’re a dam half-full kind of person that means it doesn’t really matter which one you choose, so just make a decision and we’ll all have somebody to blame for stuffing up the country again.

The hossie trap

The Hobart Mercury, 4 September 2010

Honesty and integrity are great things in a politician until it’s your bloke knocking back a billion clam bribe to give the libs the nod after your electorate’s been written off/taken for granted for the past two decades.

But seriously, too much pork is bad for your health and while the Royal Hobart Hospital does need knocking down and starting again, there’s a pretty good chance that Tony was talking about a Barnaby Billion or someone would have nicked his wallet out of his sandshoe while he was going for a bodysurf, or Joe would have blown it on a hundred million takeaway pizzas while preparing the 2011 Budget or it would have gotten lost down the back of Andrew Robb’s couch and subsequently sucked into the black hole created by the implosion of Bob Katter’s head when it turned out that we weren’t really going to Turn Back The Bananas…. anyway, you get my drift.

Far better just to get a half-arsed commitment from the ALP that won’t be nearly as much of a letdown in the long run.

Making ends meet

The Australian, 3 September 2010

All I can say is that it’s a huge relief to me and the rest of Australia that Rob Oakeshott was able to make the Liberal costings public before the Treasury leaker managed to do it. Turns out the leak might have been caused by some bloody great hole anyway.