Well here we are at the end of the year and as usual we’re all asking ourselves what the hell just happened. 2013 was the year when reality finally exceeded satire and henceforth all cartoons shall merely record reality, underplaying the more ridiculous excesses for comic effect.
To see out the old year, and also to gently remind you that if you haven’t bought my 2014 calendar yet then you had better remedy that glaring omission immediately before you forget somebody’s birthday and they cut off your head, I felt an in-depth review of 2013 was in order. So in the spirit of modern journalism I have gone to my site stats page, picked the top ten cartoons for the year and put them in chronological order.
I commend them to you:
No Cause For Alarm
There were one or two bushfires early on in the year. Apparently it is still a bit rude to suggest any sort of correlation between climate change to an increase in extreme events because there is arguably no proven scientific link between climate change denial and being an imbecile, though it is quite tough to get a grant for that sort of research.
Welcome To Australia
Remember the halcyon days when Scott Morrison was all too willing to speak about operational matters? He was very keen to alert Australians to the perils of living next to refugees, possibly because they would park their boats in the street, causing a parking nightmare. I’m not one to judge (I am) but honestly, Scott’s not the sort of person I’d be wanting to move in next door.
Back in June, the Prime Minister before the Prime Minister Before The Current Prime Minister was being stalked by the Prime Minister Before The Prime Minister Before The Prime Minister Before The Current Prime Minister (who also ended up being The Prime Minister Before The Current Prime Minister).
The Australian 25 June 2013
Boundless Plains To Share
When The Prime Minister Before The Prime Minister Before The Prime Minister Before The Current Prime Minister (let’s just call him Kevin I) decided to give The Prime Minister Before The Prime Minister Before The Current Prime Minister a go for a bit, he was worried that the party might lurch to the right on the question of asylum seekers. Possibly because he was going to do it immediately upon becoming The Prime Minister Before The Current Prime Minister.
Of course, the party did lurch quite spectacularly (some still possessing some shred of human compassion might suggest shamefully) to starboard on the subject under the Prime Minister Before The Prime Minister Before The Current Prime Minister, but Kevin II had an ace up his sleeve that his years in the wilderness had taught him to be an utter bastard (others might suggest this wasn’t the hardest lesson to learn) and had pictures of human misery to prove it. This cartoon imagines he still retained some shred of human compassion (hahahaha I know, look it’s a cartoon).
A Woman’s Touch
Tony “I Don’t Have A Problem With Women Look I Quite Like Downton Abbey Shut Up And Pour Me A Shandy” Abbott was voted in as Current Prime Minister earlier this year, yes, I don’t get it either, but nonetheless it happened and he even has a woman in his Cabinet and that never would have happened in Downton Abbey so there.
The Great Boat Turnaround
It’s the Information Age, or more accurately, before the election it was the Too Much Information Age and now we’ve been put on a diet for our own good. How exactly this is good for us is an Operational Matter, as is exactly what an Operational Matter is. It just is. Shut up.
Pigeon To The Node
Ah the NBN… I’ve got it at my house. It’s quite fast. Never mind, I am sure Malcolm’s version will be great too. You might want to go and make a coffee while the pictures load.
None So Deaf
Every few years, the Intergovernmental Panel On Climate Change points out that we really ought to do the equivalent of losing some weight and doing some exercise and everyone kind of goes yeah but then we keep digging up coal and burning it, which when you think about it is a worry, so best not think about it.
Where Has That Mandate Gonski
Elections are a bit like dodgy weight loss ads. There’s a before photo and an after photo and it’s best to take it all with a pinch of salt, as that protein powder can taste a bit awful.
A “unity ticket” before an election is worth exactly the same as a mandate after an election. If they taught this in schools, we’d probably all be a lot better off.
Dude Where’s My Car Industry?
Before the election, if our car industry was a car, it would have been maybe a getaway car at a bank robbery. Now it’s more like a getaway car after that’s been abandoned and set on fire. While everybody loves seeing public servants ruthlessly sacked by an incoming government (apart from the public servants of course) people do tend to get a bit cranky when people who build V8s get the same treatment, even though let’s face it who can afford to run one of those these days.
No doubt the unemployed will be treated with compassion and dignity by Tony’s new government says optimistic guy who works for newspapers.
The Australian 13 December 2013
A Long Hundred Days
Look, this is the eleventh cartoon, so don’t say I never do nothing for you ungrateful bastards so feel free to buy a calendar (they are lovely). I’ll leave you with Tony after his first hundred-odd days of no-excuses, adults-in-charge government. Lots of days to go yet though. Hahahahahaha merry new year god help us etc.